Hi friends!

We are all gifted with a passion to give for the greater good. It's likely we've given more than we should have one time or another. We have talked about core values and the importance of self-care, so we are fully aware that our time is valuable. This Table Setting is our chance to get to the nitty gritty of getting to the point so that we can commit our time efficiently and within our values. I see a decision matrix here.... stay with me. 

• An acquaintance reaches out and asks to meet for coffee. You ask: What do you want to discuss?

• A meeting is scheduled with a vague subject. You ask: What is the agenda?

• Your partner calls during the day. You ask: Do you need something from me right now or can it wait?

Let's dig into that first example. If the answer is to discuss something that is interesting to you what would you ask next? Maybe you'd think, is this conversation important to my values or goals in life? If yes, then we continue on. How much of my time am I willing to provide? Do I need to schedule this now or in a couple of weeks (urgency)? 

If any answer is no, how do you respond? Maybe, something like, this sounds like an interesting conversation, but my calendar is booked up at this time. OR Thank you for reaching out. Unfortunately, this topic is not something that I am all that curious about. I know x-resource may be a good option to reach out to.

There's so much tied to etiquette and expected norms of how women should respond to others, especially when you want to say 'no'. I love this TED Talk Luvvie Ajayi Jones: Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. She talks about being a domino of change in the face of fear. This quote hits home: Fear has a very concrete power of keeping us from doing and saying the things that are our purpose

Questions to think about:

• How would you respond in that first example? Have you had this experience before?

• How do you ask for more detail/clarity around a request before committing your time?

• When do you decide enough is enough with something that has been going on for a while and it's not serving you like it used to?

• What are your strategies for taking back your time?

• What do meeting invites look like when you schedule them?

Hello sweet friends!

This month's Table Setting is all about money money money! We will be discussing how we are all approaching or wish to approach Financial Independence and find Financial Power as we gain in years, think about our parents aging, and wish to support our children. 

Some insight into my world to set the stage for why I'm personally invested in this conversation. I made some interesting financial choices in my history - went to a private college that landed me in 6 figures of debt which ultimately made me dependent on credit cards that I could only pay off and afford to live by having 2 (nearly full-time) jobs. I married someone with equally poor financial status. We have been lucky enough to claw our way out of debt over the last 15 years, but we still find it a bit awkward to save money. We are not used to having money in the bank. We like our lifestyle to be full of activity, which costs money, while also maintaining all the things like a house, cars, kids (oh, those pricey little angels). 

We are now shipping money to different places of savings - I have a 401k with employer match, a Roth, a high-yield savings account, a rainy day/easy access savings, life insurance policies. We have equity in our cars and the house now. BUT, I'm still scared as shit to think about retirement. As we get older, so do our parents, so do our kids. We are in this odd place of financial dependency where we aren't sure what our nest egg will go to... whatever crisis happens first? 

I, personally, am very curious what all of your plans and fears are with retirement, supporting your families, and how to live well, not just live a long time. Some questions that came up for me while I watched these videos: Estelle Gibson : the true cost of financial dependence and Elizabeth White : An honest look at the personal finance crisis

• What does it mean to be old in America?

• Do you share financial responsibility with your partner?

• Do you include your kids in finance management?

• What is your Retirement Plan?

  • When do you plan to retire? how old or at what milestone of life? 

• Do you feel responsible to help your parents? do they have a strategy or financial safety net?

• How do you 'small up' as Elizabeth White describes?

SO MANY RESOURCES! 

And I know for a fact that there are a few of you who are a wealth of knowledge on this topic, so I'm crossing my fingers you are able to join us in a couple of weeks!

• Suze Orman is my personal financial hero from post-college days. She helped me understand where to send my money and the strategy for debt payments.

• Women Who Money for all things finance 101 and 102 (love that they have beginner and intermediate references)

• The Money Go-To for finance nerds is Nerd Wallet which is where I found some good options for high-yield savings and understandings of CDs and money market accounts (though I don't have those 2...yet). This one was sent by Kate who is very knowledgeable on this topic!

• For our daughters : Financial Literacy for Women: How to Raise a Fearless Woman (Kiplinger)

• Clever Girl Finance : This site has a lot of tips and tricks and courses (disclaimer that I haven't looked deeply at it yet but it caught my eye, so I will be exploring more!)

I look forward to de-shaming money talk with y'all! I love to shop, I love to do fun things, and I love talking about money. I just hate worrying about it. Feel the same? 

Happy International Women's Day!!! 

Let’s dive into 'nature vs. nurture'. This was inspired by a friend of mine (and woman in this group) recently asking me this question: How much of you do you think has been shaped by you vs. others? 

I recently read Good Inside by Dr. Becky to which she provides in her opening chapter about parental concerns around child behaviors, she says:

"As we investigate behaviors, we get to know the child better, we learn about what this child needs and what skills they're missing, we uncover a parent's triggers and areas for growth, and we move from a place What's wrong with my child and can you fix them to What is my child struggling with and what's my role in helping them." ... "What's coming up for ME about this situation?"

The whole book is about connection, not consequences, which I find to be the exact opposite of how I was raised (in a struggling/behavioral sense). 

I was raised on consequences and punishments, which has been our default (using 'consequence to your choice') in raising our kids, though actively trying to connect first (especially after reading this book). I am sure this was how my parents were raised. I suffer from anxiety and extreme avoidance when it comes to hard conversations with my parents as a result (aka. I'm not all that connected). 

So the question was pretty simple for me and I was a bit surprised by my answer --- I'm 100% shaped by others (other than the genetics/physical 'me'). I know this is factually untrue, but it's also hard for me to think, have I actually made a decision that isn't influenced by my history? ... And now, I'm unlearning that through therapy and trying really hard to figure out the pyschological ME with my therapist :D

Anyways, I thought it was a really thought-provoking question and something that I'd love to discuss with you all. It's a big topic with lots of opinions and experiences all wrapped and tangled in it. Below are some pieces of content I found while researching. 

Nature vs. Nurture Content

• VeryWell Health article that scientifically defines these terms and gives some history

• Check out anything on the Hidden Brain Podcast that taps into our deepest minds - I especially thought this one was interesting : Who Do You Want to Be?

• Business Insider article about the influence of how you were raised on your adulthood tendencies

• Who Am I? Ted Lesson where the I = the You in the original question above. 

• Dr. Becky's website Good Inside that encourages parents to strive for connection first with struggling children

We've explored personality in a previous Table Setting. Here are some follow-up questions: 

• How did we get to our 'personality'? 

• How much of that personality is inherent and how much of that is from our experiences and upbringing? 

• What did you say you wanted to be when you grew up when you were asked that question as a child? 

Dear friends,

I recently (October 2022) went to a Women's Leadership Conference (read: 5 day intensive women's circle that was both liberating and emotionally exhausting) where I honed in on my current Core Values. Here they are: Connection, Voice, Service, Integrity, and Self-Care. Back in 2021 I had different core values that included Health, Love, & Family. I feel like I'm getting smarter with my core values to be more inclusive of these specific things. Because when it comes right down to it, don't we all create our own definitions of our core values, anyways? 

As we turn to February, a month of love, but also a month of reflecting on black history, I recognize my privileges with a very sharp lens. I understand the inequity of my privilege to focus on self-care....to have that word as a core value, even. But, if I don't practice self-care, how can I show up for my other core values? How can I use my privilege in a way to serve my community with integrity if I don't have a strong connection to my self and my voice? 

The WHO's Definition of Self-Care - The Self-Care Federation

Article: Self-Care is not an indulgence - I love this definition that Tami presents in terms of what it is and what it is not - that it is a discipline at the root of it.

My (working) definition of Self-Care: Making choices that balance healthy eating, movement, listening to (and adjusting to) my body's systems, making peace with all of my parts, and choosing joyful activities.

My discipline is to stay true to my core values. Ultimately, acknowledging the threads between mind, body, and spirit to keep me grounded and aligned with my values.

It was recently reported that Marie Kondo has 'kind of given up' on her method of organizing with 3 young children creating chaos in the home. She's choosing to find joy in the chaos. I'm guessing she's got a clear core value of JOY. Isn't finding joy part of self-care? When you can let go of that which does not serve you in the moment, you're practicing a discipline of self-care.

Self-Care Saturday is a theme that a friend of mine recently introduced, and I've embraced it. One Saturday a month I focus on only that ~90% of the day, in my definition. For example, my January self-care Saturday looked like this: meditation, barre, sauna, a hiar cut, rock climbing with my kids, eating clean and focused hydration, reading pages in my book.... not doing the laundry. It's more of an indulgence on this day, but also is an opportunity to return to the basic discipline of self-care - a reminder, if you will... forced no-chores day!

I am curious:

• What is your definition of Self-Care?

• How is self-care prioritized with your partner? 

• Is self-care equitable in your home?

• Does self-care as a discipline resonate with you?

• Does self-care feel like a chore sometimes?

• What is your ideal Self-Care Saturday? 

• What are some decisions you make in a day that you choose you as a way to honor your self, and therefore care for your self?

Happy happy 2023, ladies!

I hope everyone is feeling good and ready for a new year of adventures. 

We are back with Table Setting! This month, one of our very own women around the table, Dana Wheeles will be reading cards for us for the new year. We will meet at the Bluebird&Co Annex at 6:30p on Wednesday, January 18. 

I encourage these questions for you to consider before heading into the gathering:

• What are 1-3 highlights or successes from 2022?

• What were 1-3 challenges in 2022?

• What will you say 'NO' to in 2023?

• What will you say 'YES' to in 2023?

• What did you learn about yourself in 2022?

• What is one small thing to hope for in 2023?

I can't wait to see your smiling faces again 

Questions

As we head into the holidays, especially my absolute least favorite of them all, Halloween, I want to invite playfulness and joy back into the season with my family. I want to do this in a way that I can say was 'Fun'. I want to have fun without relying on capitalism's influence. Is. This. Possible?

• Why am I such a Halloween Scrooge?

• What is everyone’s definition of Fun?

• How do others prioritize fun in their lives enough to get that flow?

• As we enter the holiday season, how can we shift from stressful to joyful?

• What is your relationship with screen-time?

• How do we invite traditions into our families that are fun for all?

• How do we shift the narrative of holiday gift giving to be more experiential and FUN?

References

• TedTalk: Why Having Fun is the Secret to a Healthier Life // Catherine Price

  • Catherine Price

• NYTimes Op-Art Article: How To Have Fun

• Article: Why You Need More Fun In Your Life // Martha Beck

  • Martha Beck

• We Can Do Hard Things Podcast: Fun... What the Hell Is It?

Questions

• How do you determine what passion projects to pursue?

• How do you find the courage to follow your passion?

• What have you learned from your journeys?

Passion References

• TedTalk: Emotional Courage - Susan David

• Article: Believe in Yourself More