Happy International Women's Day!!!
Let’s dive into 'nature vs. nurture'. This was inspired by a friend of mine (and woman in this group) recently asking me this question: How much of you do you think has been shaped by you vs. others?
I recently read Good Inside by Dr. Becky to which she provides in her opening chapter about parental concerns around child behaviors, she says:
"As we investigate behaviors, we get to know the child better, we learn about what this child needs and what skills they're missing, we uncover a parent's triggers and areas for growth, and we move from a place What's wrong with my child and can you fix them to What is my child struggling with and what's my role in helping them." ... "What's coming up for ME about this situation?"The whole book is about connection, not consequences, which I find to be the exact opposite of how I was raised (in a struggling/behavioral sense).
I was raised on consequences and punishments, which has been our default (using 'consequence to your choice') in raising our kids, though actively trying to connect first (especially after reading this book). I am sure this was how my parents were raised. I suffer from anxiety and extreme avoidance when it comes to hard conversations with my parents as a result (aka. I'm not all that connected).
So the question was pretty simple for me and I was a bit surprised by my answer --- I'm 100% shaped by others (other than the genetics/physical 'me'). I know this is factually untrue, but it's also hard for me to think, have I actually made a decision that isn't influenced by my history? ... And now, I'm unlearning that through therapy and trying really hard to figure out the pyschological ME with my therapist :D
Anyways, I thought it was a really thought-provoking question and something that I'd love to discuss with you all. It's a big topic with lots of opinions and experiences all wrapped and tangled in it. Below are some pieces of content I found while researching.
Nature vs. Nurture Content
VeryWell Health article that scientifically defines these terms and gives some history
Check out anything on the Hidden Brain Podcast that taps into our deepest minds - I especially thought this one was interesting : Who Do You Want to Be?
Business Insider article about the influence of how you were raised on your adulthood tendencies
Who Am I? Ted Lesson where the I = the You in the original question above.
Dr. Becky's website Good Inside that encourages parents to strive for connection first with struggling children
We've explored personality in a previous Table Setting. Here are some follow-up questions:
How did we get to our 'personality'?
How much of that personality is inherent and how much of that is from our experiences and upbringing?
What did you say you wanted to be when you grew up when you were asked that question as a child?